well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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