If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
