a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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