I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
