Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
