oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
