if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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