So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
