I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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