First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
