Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
