drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm both gender and math confused
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
