grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
