Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
