I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
only you would photoshop your dick
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
