I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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