her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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