god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
