Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
