4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
