This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
