Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
