Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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