hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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