you traded sex for a burrito?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
