When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
