I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i dont even know how to be here
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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