ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
