so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
