We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
