Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We have so much sex to catch up on
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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