Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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