Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
