I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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