There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
