OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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