He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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