so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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