So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
