Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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