I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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