I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
