This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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