I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize