I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
