you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
