life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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