New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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