what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
there is glitter all over my balls
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