You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
