he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
