with your own penis?
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
