just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
im six kinds of drunk right now
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize