Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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