Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
