You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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