Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
