We won't sleep together?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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