I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize