During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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