just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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