I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
