dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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