I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
