Someone shit on the floor
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize