If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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