for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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