She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
