I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My room smells like vodka and shame
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
