it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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