just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
