3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
