8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
