did you get engaged???
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
