4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
