I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
