Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
