his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
