i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
