He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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