I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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