I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
