I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
