I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
