i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
