Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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