I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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