Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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