I wish my penis had an off switch
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
