Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
