Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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