i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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