I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
