btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I want her autograph on my taint
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize