thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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