Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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