I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Two words: blizzard sex
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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