Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I faked an abortion last night.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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