i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You left your phone here
Wait...
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