I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
