the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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