he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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