do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
