I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
