I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
