He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
