she looked like the before picture.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
